Image via “The Daily Show” on October 7, 2008.
Yesterday, I came across two descriptions of undecided voters from the United States presidential election of 2008 that I had tagged as favorites. These are entertaining descriptions of undecided voters from David Sedaris and the “Family Guy.” As a result, I decided to share them and conserve them on The Conservation Report. First, Sedaris (emphasis added):
Then you’ll see this man or woman— someone, I always think, who looks very happy to be on TV. “Well, Charlie,” they say, “I’ve gone back and forth on the issues and whatnot, but I just can’t seem to make up my mind!” Some insist that there’s very little difference between candidate A and candidate B. Others claim that they’re with A on defense and health care but are leaning toward B when it comes to the economy.
I look at these people and can’t quite believe that they exist. Are they professional actors? I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who want a lot of attention?
To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. “Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks. “Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?”
To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked.
I mean, really, what’s to be confused about?
And from the “Family Guy”:
To quote the aforementioned “Family Guy” episode:
Brian Griffin: Lois, undecided voters are the biggest idiots on the planet. Try giving short, simple answers.
Tricia Takanawa [to audience member]: Sir, your question, please?
Principal Shepherd: Mrs. Griffin, what do you plan to do about crime in our city?
Lois Griffin: A lot. [the audience applauds, Brian signals for her to go with it] Because… that’s what Jesus wants. [the audience applauds louder, Brian signals for more] 9/11 was bad. [audience cheers and applauds loudly]
Man: I agree with that!
Lois Griffin: God, I can’t believe how easy this is.

















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I’m reading a long but interesting essay on the negative environmental, economic, and social justice impacts of coal mining in communities of West Virginia. Here’s a snippet from Professor McGinley’s “From pick and shovel to mountaintop removal: environmental injustice in the Appalachian coalfields” (footnotes omitted and emphasis added):